Body Images

So, I know I'm one in a million when I say that I have always had body image issues. I have always felt like I could be just a little bit thinner, my abs could be just a little bit more toned, or my arms could be just a little bit more buff. I just find it funny, now that my waist line is growing an inch an hour, I'm LOVING my body! This is probably the first time that I can ever remember feeling this way! I'm a whirlwind of emotions when I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror to see my gigantic belly! I seriously cannot wait to step on the scale and see if I've gained the pound I was supposed to this week. I was cleaning and bumming around in my robe last week when I realized my thighs have met. They were formally introduced by a forced make out session. Yes, my thighs touch! I LAUGHED...OUTLOUD...and immediately told Neil, barely able to speak because I was laughing so hard.

I know that I always said before I was pregnant, "I want to be one of those super cute pregnant women." But honestly, have you ever seen a pregnant woman who is NOT cute! I'm adorable! Not to sound conceited. I only feel this way because of this beautiful baby growing inside of me. I LOVE his profile. I could stare at the ultrasound picture all day. And knowing that he's a part of me right now, makes me feel beautiful! I can't explain it, I guess. I never expected to feel this way. I was dreading getting fat! I know I am going to get a lot bigger and will be very uncomfortable at some point, but right now...I'm loving it!

And I'm gonna be honest here and say something surprised me about getting bigger. Neil is still just as, if not MORE, attracted to me! (Sorry mom, if you're reading this and this makes you uncomfortable.) I just expected him to shy away from the enormous belly and the thighs that now touch each other. He says he likes all the curves and the occasional jiggle. So if you're thinking about getting pregnant, get excited! That was SUCH a great surprise!

In other news I can now feel the baby kick. I think I felt him last week but I wasn't sure what it was, as it just kinda feels like an air bubble. I passed it off for a long time, being my appetite has doubled lately. But then I thought to myself, isn't that where the baby is? And sure enough, its the baby, and now I'm positive. I had no idea what that was going to feel like. I can lay on my side in bed, and Neil can already feel him from the outside. He was pretty excited. So strange and at the same time miraculous to have a little person growing inside of you.

Its been so nice here lately. In the 70s. So we've taken advantage by going to Jordon Lake just 5 minutes from our place. Baylen is exhausted from all the walks we've taken. And you can imagine...me too. But I love it.

I know I told this story on facebook, but I have to share it again. I will try to write this out without crying, I'm a complete wreck today. Neil has to be in Las Vegas this week for work. Poor Neil, right? Not only that, but he's staying at the Venetian! The one hotel that I haven't stayed in and would ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO! He left this morning. Baylen and I took him to the airport. I always get out of the car to help him with his luggage out of the trunk. He gave me a big kiss and a hug and we said our "I love you"s. He then knelt (he says he only leaned, but in my head he knelt) down to rub my belly and said, "I'm gonna miss you too, little man." It made my heart melt. Seriously, how cute is that? I cannot wait to see him hold his son. And yup, I'm crying again.

He used to leave for work every week, and I hardly thought twice about it. But this time, its so hard, and I have no idea why. I guess this is the first time we've been apart since we heard the news about our little one coming. I'm just at a loss here at home. What do I do? Tomorrow I'm going to start my sewing projects...we'll see how that goes. But the evenings are gonna be so hard. And an empty king size bed? Ugh, I'm dreading it and have been a complete head case all day.